The Real Me

Written By Mr. Grande

I remember when I woke up this morning. Eyes fluttering open; skitting here and there, probably to check if everything was as it was before they closed. I turned on my back with stretched arms and a wide yawn. Yes, I was awake and ready for what the day had to offer. Regardless, I still laid down and psyched my body before pulling myself up and stepping out. I didn’t just step outside though, I stepped out with smiles on my face. Smiles that produced words of greetings with each face I met. After all, it was the start of a brand new day. A brand new hope. A brand new effort… A brand new me.

The day has ended. I’m back in my bed. Waiting for sleep to fill my eyes with the sweet honey of slumber. How did the brand new day filled with hope end? Honestly, I wish I could go on and on about tales of the amazing and joyful news I heard. The genuine and sincere laughs I shared throughout the day. The hearty feel that resided in my heart and made my soul sing and dance. I wish I could tell you all.

But then I can’t. I can’t tell you anything about it. I can’t share even a tiny bit of it to you. I can’t because none of it happened. Yeah, none of it happened. Today went on exactly as the previous days did. A soulless day, a day without colour, without mirth and without joy. The smiles I freely dished out in the morning? They were all fake. Fake, worthless, hopeless, painful, and full of hurt. Ha, it’s easy to make them, you know. Just curl your lips a little upwards and add a little taint of brow raise and you’re good to go. See?? I’ve almost become a master of it. Churning it out daily and daily.

I’m tired, I really am. I’m tired of pretending. I’m tired of smiling. I’m tired of pulling my shoulders up. I’m tired of raising my brows. I’m tired!!!! Why I still do it no longer matters. Why I don’t want to do it doesn’t matter. What matters is that I’m tired.

All I need, all I really really need right now is a hug. A long, calm hug with a pat on the back. No, don’t tell me “It’ll be alright. Everything will be fine soon”. Don’t tell me “You’ve gotta be strong. It’ll end soon”. If you love and care for me, please don’t steer those words into my ears. Just hold me in your embrace. Hold me and let me feel that I’ve still got someone. Someone who’s got my back. Someone who won’t torture my soul with words when all I need is silence. Someone who’ll hold me in an embrace for as long as I need. As long as I can be held. As long as it takes, till I assume my disguise again. The disguise that you all love to see. The disguise that fools you all.

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